Leave your house if you dare!

The first half of the week has been nothing but crazy busy. Mondays and Wednesdays I have yoga at 8:30 followed by four classes followed by salsa class (which is so fun...look out Boston, there´s going to be a salsa dancing gringa on the loose!) AND I have to walk home from the bus after 6pm…SO against the rules! (Color me rebellious).

Speaking of walking, let’s have a little primer on Quiteño traffic, shall we?

1) Traffic lights are merely a recommendation as are street signs and lines on the road.

2) While crossing a street, think “Frogger” (the video game). Moving in a straight line is not really recommended. Up, back, side to side is the only way to survive.

3) A traffic light is not a signal for stopping and going but actually a reminder of how vigorously you should be honking.

4) Learn not to flinch at honks. Reasons could be:
a) an offer from a taxi
b) an expression of attraction
c) an attempt to scare the funny gringa
d) a general reminder that you are near a road, should you dare to step off the curb

5) In the time it takes you to question, “Is it safe to run through the four lane roundabout?” it will no longer be safe. Actually, it never is. Don’t think, just run.

6) Looking both ways on a one way street is not only not ridiculous but advisable.

7) Crossing guards are there to help the busses, not the little gringas who narrowly avoid getting flattened every day.

8) When waiting on the corner to cross, stand at least two feet from the curb so you are not mistaken for some sort of gringa maypole by passing motorcyclistas.

9) When booking it across a street, always run next to your street crossing partner in the event that you must stop on the line in the middle of the road. Running into her is not advisable.

10) Do not assume that cops have any idea where such oddities as a road or a post office might be located.

11) Do not smile at, greet or generally acknowledge passing strangers unless they are wearing habits or carrying babies.

12) When boarding a bus, try to get on as quickly and fluidly as possible since the chances of the bus pulling away as you board are rather good.

13) Holding your breath will not help the bus squeeze through the alley in between a parked car and another moving bus. Don’t worry, side mirrors are expendable anyway.

14) If the windshield of a bus is more than 75% covered by flags and holographic Jesus stickers, it may be in your best interest not to take it.

15) Do not eat ice cream on the bus…you will need at least both hands to keep yourself upright. (yesterday´s lesson)